They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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