I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
