I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
