Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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