My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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