I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
