yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
