i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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