3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize