its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
there is glitter all over my balls
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
