not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
