I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
