guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
