I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
