i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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