I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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