how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
