I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
