took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
