So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
