If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
