Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
