you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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