She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
