I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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