if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
