If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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