how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
