Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
