I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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