Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
two words: eviction party
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
