I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize