i don't like sucking hair
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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