I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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