omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
