Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
