Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
