we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
