I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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