My pussy is not your playground.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
