I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
