In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
