I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
