She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
