I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
