Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
