a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
