i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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