he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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