I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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