escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
