There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
