how can u be prego again
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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