Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
