is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
