I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
