Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
