I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
