Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize