i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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