What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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