after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
