East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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