So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
