Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
