Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
