No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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