Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
