How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
