thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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