I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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