If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
