i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize