Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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