do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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