Small penises have feelings too.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
