Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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