He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
